shazafram: (gwendalgdkitty)
[personal profile] shazafram
Title: Crossed in Translation
Author: Batty_Gal a.k.a Tetra26
Rating: T
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Pairing: Yuuri friendship fic, very mild Wolfram x Yuuri
Word Count: 1632
Fic Type: Oneshot
Summary: For an upcoming Shin Makoku holiday, Yuuri buys gifts for his friends – including a copy of a famous knitting book for Gwendal. Murata's given the task of translating – unfortunately.

Crossed in Translation
by Tetra26/ Batty Gal

Shibuya Yuuri felt content as he wrapped gifts that he had brought back from Earth for his friends.

Coming up was a Shin Makoku holiday that celebrated a person's friendships with others. The tradition was to ask the person you wanted to buy something for what type of thing they would like most, and get them something as close to it (within reason) as possible.

Wolfram, being – well – Wolfram, wanted something that had to do with violence. Yuuri ended up buying him a flame-bladed dagger. It was similar to one he had admired in an antique shop on Earth (which his mother had dragged them into one day). Yuuri had tried to make a bet with Murata that he'd be the first person threatened with it – but Murata laughed at him and claimed to not make “fool's wagers”.

For Günter, Yuuri had immediately ignored his request for a kiss, instead opting to get him a pack of hair scrunchies. The man had fell in love with them during his time on Earth, and always remarked how he wished he had brought some back with him.

Conrad had just smiled and said that he desired nothing, which made Yuuri want to pull his hair out. He went behind the older man's back to Yozak, and asked him what he should get Conrad. Five minutes into the conversation he fled, having learned far more than he needed (or wanted) to know about his Godfather's tastes in underwear and night attire.

He still couldn't look at the box properly without blushing, brightly.

Cheri had requested perfume, and Yuuri had braved going in a women's store in order to buy her some. The prices on the bottles of some of them had made his eyes almost pop out of his head, and he ended up purchasing a cheap set in a drug store. After all, it's Earth perfume, what difference would she know?

For Greta he bought a doll that would drink and pee in its fake diapers. Yuuri wondered why people would even make dolls like that, but figured that it would at least quell Greta's vocal desires for a baby brother or sister. He cursed Wolfram and Murata for putting the idea in her head that he would bear her a sibling – as if that's remotely possible for two men.

Or was it?

Shin Makoku was full of backwards laws and screwed up biology. Wolfram's insistences that Yuuri bear his children after they married may indeed be more than an annoying joke, and he decided to buy condoms for good measure.

Not that he would need them, of course!

Just... because.

Moving along...

He had bought several gifts for others, including Anissina, Yozak, and Murata.

However, the person hardest to shop for was Gwendal.

It shouldn't have been that way, though. Gwendal likes cute things, so something cute, the end, right?


When he had asked Gwendal what he had wanted, the older man had shrugged and said nothing. Yuuri sighed upon thinking about it. Gwendal and Conrad were alike in the respect that they didn't desire for him to get them anything. However, since Gwendal was always so helpful, taking on the work that Yuuri knew he should be doing when he didn't want to, he definitely wanted to get him something special to show his appreciation. When he had asked Wolfram what he should get Gwendal, he had simply shrugged as well and said “something to do with knitting”.

So Yuuri, being quite ignorant of knitting, had went online doing some research to see what knitting gift he should get Gwendal. Since the older man was – well – bad at it, he figured he could get a book or something to help him out.

Several of the sources he had come across cited a book entitled “Stitch 'n Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook”, and after he stopped giggling like an idiot over the title, he had ordered one online. Since he still wasn't very good at translating to Mazoku language – and especially not from English – he had given Murata the book to translate for him.

He had neatly wrapped the notebook that held Murata's translations with the actual book, and he hoped that it would possibly help Gwendal with his knitting.

Soon he would give his friends their gifts, and he hoped they would be satisfied with what he got them.

The dagger wasn't out of the box two minutes before it got pressed to his throat. “Care to tell me why you bought my brother those... things?” Wolfram asked, angrily.

Yuuri held up his hands, and laughed nervously. “Blame Yozak, he's the one that gave me the suggestions!” he confessed, jerking his head over to where a laughing Yozak was standing beside a red-faced Conrad.

“Why didn't you get me a set, too? I would have worn...” Wolfram started.

“Oh hey, let's watch Greta open her gift!” Yuuri said, not wanting the mental picture of Wolfram in the things he had bought for Conrad.

The two men watched as Greta unwrapped her present. “Ooh! Thanks Papa Yuuri! This can give me practice until you have my baby brother or sister!”

Yuuri groaned. “Why is everyone insisting I be the one to bear the kid? Why can't Wolfram have the baby?” he whined.

Wolfram sized him up. “Maybe you're right, Yuuri. Perhaps I should bear the children. After all, you are quite wimpy – perhaps too wimpy to have a baby.”

“I am not too wimpy to have a baby!”

“Oh please, you'd probably go Maou over the slightest affront due to hormones!”

“Shut up! I would not!”

“Shibuya, you do realize that you are arguing with Wolfram over which of you should bear children, right?” Murata questioned.


“So that implies that you two are eventually going to...”

“No! That's so not what I mean by this entire argument!”

“He's right, Your Highness. That's not what he means. He's too wimpy to have children and marry me,” Wolfram sniffed.

“I am not! Besides, this is supposed to be a story about Gwendal's gift, not us!” Yuuri yelled.

“What are you talking about?” Wolfram asked, looking at him curiously.

“Nothing!” Yuuri said, quickly. “Anyhow, Gwendal, open your present.”

The others watched as Gwendal slowly unwrapped his gift.

He looked at the regular book, flipping through it – his eyes lighting up when he paused at a picture of a cute hat. He stared at the page, running his finger over the picture.

“The notebook has translations to the book so that you can understand the instructions,” Yuuri said.

Gwendal picked up the notebook and opened the first page.

Yuuri watched as his eye started to twitch, his face turned red, and his hands started to shake.

“Um... Gwendal? Is everything alright?”

“I didn't realize you felt that way about me, Your Majesty,” Gwendal said, his voice grating.

Yuuri raised his eyebrow. “Well, I thought the book might be of some use to you since you like to knit so much. There's a lot of techniques in there that I'm pretty sure you don't know about.”

“Oh yes, there are,” he said. “Of course I wouldn't know about them, considering the kind of person I am.”

“What kind of person you are? What do you mean?”

“It says right in this notebook what I am,” Gwendal said, continuing to glare at Yuuri.

Yuuri looked around, and noticed that Murata was suspiciously no longer in the room. He looked at Gwendal again, and realized that Murata had done something very wrong.

And, knowing him, he probably did so on purpose.

He walked over to Gwendal, and gently plucked the notebook from his still shaking hands. He looked at the first page, and within seconds he had the same expression as Gwendal.

“Murata!!!” he cried out in anger, over Murata translating the title as “You Can't Stitch, Bitch!”.

Yuuri scowled across at the dinner table while a giggling Murata tried to engage him in conversation. “Aw Shibuya, it was just a joke! I had the correct title and translations a few more pages in!”

“That wasn't funny!” Yuuri cried, crossing his arms. “I wanted to make Gwendal happy with my gift, and you upset him and made him mad at me. That stupid title change and that fake forward suggesting he was too bitchy to knit was too much!”

“You're not mad at him anymore, are you?” Murata asked Gwendal.

“No, but I can't say the same for you,” Gwendal said with a glare, and Murata had the decency to shrink back a little.

“Geez, you guys are no fun,” Murata pouted.

“How am I supposed to be fun when you pulled such a stunt? ” Yuuri complained.

The table was mostly silent for awhile after that, as people concentrated on eating the good food that had been cooked for the holiday.

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Gwendal said, breaking the silence. He gave a small smile. “I appreciate the book.”

Yuuri smiled back at him. “You're welcome, Gwendal!” he said, excitedly. He was glad that everyone was satisfied with the gifts that he had gotten them.

Even if that damned dagger was now pointed somewhere quite sensitive due to the smile he had given Gwendal.

Author's note: Just something quick. The idea's been floating in my head for quite some time, and since I just started a new knitting project, there you go!

Date: 2009-02-17 02:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That was great. XD

You've got a real sense of the characters and their respective comedic timings.

(LOL @ Yuuri breaking the 4th wall, too.)

Date: 2009-02-17 02:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ALSO: What was Yozak's suggestion? Better left unsaid? XD

Date: 2009-02-17 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
For sanity's sake, yeah... though I imagine it involved crotchless manties or assless chaps somehow XD

Date: 2009-02-17 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
...That mental image will never go away now.

I do hope you're proud of yourself.


Date: 2009-02-18 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Haven't you realized yet that this is the You-can't-unsee-it zone? O_O

Date: 2009-02-17 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks! I love making Yuuri break the fourth wall (I have him doing it in an upcoming fic as well). I blame the Deadpool comics I was going back and reading over the weekend...

Date: 2009-02-17 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
'Atta girl. <3

Date: 2009-02-17 02:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ok, first I have to stop laughing!

A kiss... Oh Gunther... Always the clever one!

A dagger for Wolf, Yuuri really has a death wish!

The argument about who's gonna bear children was hilarious (that and Yuuri buying condoms, just because... XD): they're really the cutest couple ever!

Murata <3 <3 <3

Yuuri is so dead: he forgot someone:SHINOU! He should prepare himself for what is about to come! Goodbye Yuuchan, we love you!

Date: 2009-02-17 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LOL I put Shinou in the "others" category, like Anissina and Yozak. One can only imagine what Yuuri got them... O_o

omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-17 09:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Another KKM fan who knits!!! *excited*

I carry my stitch n bitch book with me almost everywhere. lol. My friend and I got to stitch n bitch meetings every monday too!

Ha ha... I can't help but mildly wonder what kind of condoms Yuuri would buy giving that he's a lot gayer than he thinks... lol.

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-17 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oohh *clinks knitting needles together*! I wish I could find meetings around here, but there's none. When I become better at it, I might start my own!

LOL Yuuri would probably grab the first ones he came across (in the most discrete of packaging).

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-17 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
yeah we have a good time. knitting is very relaxing. lol.

I've just started a new project too... i started working on a pattern for yuuri and wolframs bear hats that i think gwendal? made them.

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-17 10:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, hey. It's you. :D

If you're still planning on going to AWA, will you be selling those hats there?

Because I'll totally buy one. Or two. Or four.

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-17 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm still going but I haven't bought a table yet, but I'll defintely have the one I'm making right now done by the end of the week depending on how fast I knit so everyone can see what they look like.

I do plan on buying a table and selling them though! So hopefully I'll see you there, I'll be cosplayed as wolfram so you probably won't miss me. lol.

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-17 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awesome, can't wait to see 'em!

I'll be there, alright. \o/

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-17 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yay! See you in september then mysterious internet person. lawlz.

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-18 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can't wait to see how your hats turn out!

Re: omfg i knit too~

Date: 2009-02-18 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
knitting on the first one now~


Date: 2009-02-18 01:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
:))) so funny!!! great stuff! Murata's sense of humor will have Yuuri killed one of these days

Date: 2009-02-18 01:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hahaha true, and I love that icon!

Date: 2009-02-19 05:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
“You Can't Stitch, Bitch!”

A-and Yuuri and Wolfram's banter about who's going to give birth XDD

Date: 2009-02-19 06:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Someone's going to have to wear the maternity pants in this relationship! LOL

Date: 2009-02-19 07:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

and who is it?? ;p
and I don't want to know about Conrart's gift...

Date: 2009-02-19 10:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
They'll have a "sword fight" over who it is. *snicker*

As for Conrad's gift -- scroll up. *smiles sweetly*

Date: 2010-02-20 04:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wow, nothing like a year late review. xD

I've been going back to this story occasionally to reread it for some time now. This is made of win, srsly. <3 <3 <3

I actually have an alternate version of this fic in my head. It's not the same though; it actually showcases Murata (and is complete with a little Murata/Shinou.) It's not as funny, but it's kinda sweet. Is it okay if I write/publish it?

Date: 2010-02-20 10:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Sure, go ahead! Thanks for asking me, and point people to this reply if they want to know if you had permission to do a spin-off of this story.

Good luck with your story!


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